I’m a big words-of-affirmation guy. I’m not above fishing for a compliment. If you send me a nice message, I’ll probably screenshot it for my future enjoyment. I have a drawer full of old thank-you notes sitting 18” away from me in my desk at this very moment.
I’ve noticed that when someone compliments me around a value I have, I tend to double down on it. Once, someone told me they appreciated how I engage with cashiers, waiters, and other service industry workers. I’m a big believer that how you treat people matters. Honestly, I’ve been even more intentional about it ever since.
I suppose you could make the case that this can very easily veer into people-pleasing. And that kind of performative behavior is definitely something I need to look out for in myself. But I think it goes deeper than just the surface level. Because I didn’t just start being nice to the person in the checkout lane at Walmart because of something someone said. It’s something I already care about. It didn’t change me. It affirmed something about me.
A compliment is kind of like a story someone tells about you. And one thing I believe with every fiber of my being is that we are formed by the stories we believe.
The stories I believe about myself…who I am, why I do what I do, what matters to me…these form who I am and what I do.
It matters what stories we believe about ourselves.
So it matters what stories we share with each other.
Our communities are formed by the stories we share.
I’ve been trying to be more intentional about the stories I believe about myself. I try to analyze those thoughts. I try to see if they are true. If they are helpful.
But I’m also trying to be more intentional about the stories I share with others.
Because I doubt I’m the only one who doubles down on a compliment or a little encouragement.
Maybe someone in my life needs to hear a different story.
They might keep screenshots on their phone, too.
Or possibly a drawer full of encouraging notes.
What an honor to help someone believe a better story about themselves.