Backyard Campouts and Bedrock Memories
The things I hope my little guys always remember about their parents
Isaac and I have put our tent up in the backyard every year since he started kindergarten. The tent was my Father’s Day gift that year. Our little tradition started out with just me and Ike. He invited a couple of friends the next year and then a few more. Eventually little brother joined us…although this year he decided to sleep inside with mommy right as I stretched out on the air mattress I’m way too old to sleep on.
It’s a simple little ritual. Throw up the tent, get a few games, and provide plenty of snacks. But I hope it becomes one of those big bedrock type memories my boys carry with them into adulthood. The memory of their dad and their mom taking the time for the little things.
With any luck, they'll one day realize these little things really are the big things.
As the campout has grown, dad’s role has shrunk. It was just a boy and his father our first year. Then I became the activity mastermind, there to keep the little minds entertained for a few iterations. Now I mostly just get popcorn and yell to shut the door or zip up the tent when they go in and out. Time is such a funny thing.
I guess that’s parenting, though. The little devils will drive you mad. You’re all they need in the world when they start out. Then, slowly, other people begin to matter more in this particular moment. And while I still have a few (hopefully) good years left before mine start out on their own, you definitely start to feel the shift. Subtly at first, but then more and more. I suppose you’re still always there as an anchor, always a beacon toward home. But they venture a little farther out as each year ticks by.
I try to think about what I needed when I was my boys’ age. What I thought I needed back then, and what I believe I really did need with the benefit of hindsight. It’s all I know to do. I don’t think many of us parents feel like we know what the heck we’re doing.
When I was my boys’ age, I think I just needed to know that someone was in my corner. That there was someone I could rely on. That no matter what happened, there’d be someone there to catch me if I fell.
I didn’t need grand. I didn’t need over the top. I didn’t need anything showy. I just needed someone that I always knew loved me, that I always knew would show up for me. Someone consistent. Someone steady. For me it was my grandfather. I’m grateful that my boys have a whole list of people they can lean on. I will make for damn sure that I am counted among them.
So, as tempted as I was to slip into my activity director mode with the boys at this year’s campout, I stepped back. I let Ike do his thing…and barked at Ian when he would sabotage the big boys’ games because they weren’t doing what he wanted to do.
They used to need me to make the fun happen. And now I’m just there to make the space so they can bring their own fun. I stood back instead and watched my boys be kids with some of their buddies. And I let them know I was there if they needed anything.
I hope they always know I’ll be there.