Do I Matter?
Why focusing on our purpose is only a piece of the puzzle
We talk a lot about purpose.
Live on purpose.
Don’t waste your life.
Have a purpose driven life.
You were made for more.
Find what you were made to do.
All of those things are true I suppose. But I think the focus on purpose is a symptom of something deeper. Something that is way more fundamental to our human experience.
I’ve sat with a few of the principles of Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s book “Mattering” for the last several weeks. In it she argues that feeling like you matter is the secret to a life of deep connection and purpose. She lays this out in her SAID framework.
Significant (seen & essential)
Appreciated (valued for who you are)
Invested In (supported and cared for)
Depended On (needed by others)
What became clear to me throughout reading this book is that our hyper focus on purpose is a direct result in our innate need to matter.
Purpose is your why. The reason you get out of bed. The things you want to accomplish and the reason why you want to accomplish them. But mattering in the world and to others (and to yourself probably) is what births our purpose. If purpose is what gets you out of bed in the morning, the need to matter is the fuel to get you moving.
The danger of purpose
Purpose is good. It’s important. It’s as necessary in life as eating. We need to have a why in our life. I would argue we need many why’s. But the danger is in making the purpose the main thing. People can become our obstacles instead of the point. Our values can become negotiable.
If we start sacrificing people to accomplish our purpose, we’ve lost the plot.
People are the point. We were made to matter. That’s the purpose of life.
7 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
“and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
a miserable business!Ecclesiastes 4:7-8