I’ve been intrigued lately by Adam Grant’s work in Give and Take. He argues that generosity at work can lead to great success when givers are thoughtful about who, when, and how they help, so they don’t burn out or get taken advantage of. He calls this “otherish” giving.
It reminds me of the mindset of Jesus that Christians are called to emulate in Philippians 2.
I’ve been trying to evaluate how I operate based on being a giver, taker, or matcher. For Grant, givers help others without keeping score. Takers want to make sure they get something out of every interaction. Matchers want to make sure things stay even.
What’s most interesting to me is that givers are at both the very top and the very bottom of the success ladder. The givers at the bottom aren’t less generous. They just give to everyone, all the time, until there’s nothing left for themselves.
Givers who are successful are still generous. They’ve just learned to pay attention to who they’re helping. They protect their own priorities. And they lean into the type of help that energizes them. Successful givers are intentional givers.
Philippians 2:4 says: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Paul isn’t saying your own interests don’t matter. He’s saying to look out for other people’s interests in addition to your own.
But just before that, in verse 3, he says to count others as more significant than yourselves. And right after, he describes Jesus, who emptied himself and became a servant all the way to the cross.
If you read the gospels, you meet a leader who withdrew to pray when the crowds were looking for him. When his disciples told him everyone was searching for him, he led his small group somewhere else. He chose twelve people to pour his time and life into. He ate with his friends. He slept in a boat during a storm. He healed a lot of people, but he didn’t heal every single person in every little town.
I don’t think Jesus’ example fits neatly into any psychological framework. But reflecting on his life makes me think more carefully about Grant’s questions of who, when, and how we help:
Who: Successful givers look at who they are helping, so they’re not as likely to be taken advantage of.
When: Successful givers prioritize their own goals instead of dropping everything for every request for help.
How: Successful givers focus on the type of helping they enjoy doing instead of trying to do it all.
I’ve been trying to figure out what this should look like for me. How do I show up consistently with a giver’s mindset without giving away too much of myself?
Who do I consistently invest in?
Am I making room for my own goals?
How can I help in a way that 1) makes a difference, 2) is something I’m good at, and 3) energizes me?
I don’t think the answer for me is to be less generous.
I think it’s figuring out how I can give in a way that truly lasts.