“Have you been cranky lately?” My friend Jackie asked as he burst into my office earlier this week. I wasn’t sure if this was a legitimate question or an accusation.
Jack didn’t give me time to answer before he continued his train of thought. We’ve both been on GLP-1 journeys in an attempt to care for ourselves a bit better. “I just have a short fuse. Just ripping into people.” He continued on with theories about needing to eat more protein and drink more water. We concluded that we both use food like a baby’s blanky when we’re stressed.
That evening my boys were bickering with each other. Arguing over something dumb. They weren’t listening to anything I had to say. I was annoyed and went to snap at them like I’ve done way more often lately than I would like to admit. But I stopped myself.
Jackie’s words echoed through my head. I remembered the look that comes across my eldest son’s face whenever I yell. Confusion, some fear, and maybe a bit of judgment. I took a deep breath and addressed the situation in a more mature fatherly way. I was pleased with myself.
Until bedtime.
Same routine as before. Bickering. Not listening. Whining and arguing while simultaneously ignoring me.
“ENOUGH!” erupted out of me.
I’m sure the neighbors heard.
My boys quickly jumped up and fell in line.
Mission accomplished, but at what cost?
Now, I’m not one who thinks it’s a horrible thing to yell sometimes as a parent. Kids do need tough love every now and then. There are times you have to jolt them to get their attention. But, like Jackie, I’ve found myself being a little cranky lately. And my boys often get to experience it even if they were only indirectly in the wrong.
I’ve made it a point to apologize to my boys when I’ve messed up. But I still discipline them, too. I'm not perfect. And it's frustrating that getting healthier is making it harder to be the kind of father my boys need.
So, yes, Jackie. I have been cranky lately.
But I’m doing my best. And trying to do a little better each day.
Hopefully, that’s enough.