"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
Why faking understanding is so much easier than actually listening.
I don’t have the best hearing. Maybe it’s from all the high school years listening to my portable CD player with maxed-out volume or completely ignoring the almost daily “loud environment” warnings from my Apple Watch. Whatever the culprit, my ears don’t work quite as well as they used to.
Just this evening, a neighbor I don’t know well was walking down the road. “How are you today?” “Good, you?” “Living the dream, ya know?”
All pretty common stuff.
Then he mumbled something. Or, to be honest, he probably spoke at a perfectly normal volume, and my ears are the problem. Either way, I had zero clue what he said.
I defaulted to my standard nod and smile. “You know it!”
I’m still not sure what the man said, but I’m quite sure from his reaction that “you know it” was the incorrect response.
There’s something inherently awkward for everyone involved when you can’t hear them. I don’t know why I don’t just say “I’m sorry, what was that?” and walk closer to lend my ear to them as they repeat the question or statement or rant…or to cuss me out.
I do this often…even when it doesn’t have anything to do with volume.
The meeting at work when I briefly lose focus and have to pretend to be caught up real quick. The friendly cashier at the store who says something I can’t quite decipher. Or, when the 5-year-old tells me an elaborate Minecraft story where the only real possible response is “Wow, really? That’s cool, buddy.” when I’m really not quite following him.
But I’m just choosing to fake understanding in those moments.
And I end up missing a little more true connection with another human.
I don’t know what my neighbor said last night. Maybe never will. He may be telling someone the story now of the neighbor who said “you know it” when he asked what my kid’s name was or if I knew how to make a cake.
I told you, I have ZERO clue what he said!
Old habits die hard, so I’ll probably still smile, nod, and say something agreeable when I don’t understand something. But hopefully I can learn. I’d rather be the guy who asks and actually knows, than the guy who nods and never does.
My hearing may not be as good as it once was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still listen.