K-9 Landmines
My silent war with the dog who owns half my bed and all of my patience
Splat.
Right in a steamy pile of $#&!*.
I stepped in my dog’s poo as I got home from work.
My dog thinks it’s funny to do her business right beside our driveway, on the edge of the concrete and grass. At the exact same level as where my car door sits when I park.
This hasn’t been a one-time occurrence. It’s been a silent war between the ole’ girl and me. She peers at me when I walk in the door.
She knows. She smells the stench of victory on my shoes.
I stare back at her. She’s proud of herself. Like she’s saying to me, “What are you going to do, big guy? You don’t want me to go on the carpet, do you?”
She’s just bitter, that’s all. She often huffs and puffs as I demand she remove herself from my spot on the bed. She thinks the ownership of said spot is up for debate. But it’s mine. And I won’t give it up without a fight.
She lays claim to it each night as she snuggles up onto my pillow. When I’m ready to turn in, I direct her to the floor or to the foot of the bed. She just looks at me, unamused.
I snap my fingers. She gives out a big sigh…similar to the one my wife has been known to give me. She and the dog get similarly fed up with me at times. But Meg isn’t petty enough to leave landmines around the yard for me to step in.
But the dog moves eventually. Unhappily but obediently.
I’m sure that’s when she begins plotting her next move.
If it isn’t the poo piles, it’s waiting for the exact moment my butt hits our couch. It’s her cue to stomp around on our laminate flooring, letting out a bark, and staring me down as she stands near the front door. As if she’s taunting me, “I know you just sat down, but I need to go to the loo. You don’t want me to go on the carpet, do you?”
She may win these battles. Especially in the moments when I evict her from our bed, and Meg lifts her back up. Or when the boys leave their 17th snack of the evening unattended, and she manages to get a hold of it (I call her iron belly for this very reason).
She may win these battles, but I know that I’m the real winner.
Because it’s a blessing to have such a loyal hound to wage war with.