It feels good to be the hero.
To be the one with a solution when someone we care about has a problem.
It feels good to be a fixer. It feels good to be helpful.
But what if our heroics inadvertently hold some people back? What if we become so good at helping that we never give others a chance to figure things out on their own?
We get the problem solved. The work is done. Everyone moves on.
Until next time.
I came across a book called Building a StoryBrand several years ago. The StoryBrand marketing framework gave me a simple shift in my perspective. One that has changed my career and my leadership.
According to StoryBrand, your organization should NOT be the hero of your marketing. Your organization is the guide. Your customer is the hero.
Marketing’s primary role is to tell a compelling story of how the organization can help its customers overcome a problem and move toward their goal.
Almost all the stories we love have a guide that moves the hero along. It’s Mick, the trainer in Rocky. It’s Yoda in Star Wars. It’s even Timon, Pumbaa, and Nala in The Lion King. The guide has something to offer our hero. But the hero still has to play their part.
I try to keep this idea top of mind when I’m writing or communicating. It’s tempting to want to talk about how awesome I am. I want to talk about my experience. My ideas.
I want to share all the reasons I can think of to show you that you can trust me. Those things may very well have a place. But what people typically want is a little help understanding how to get where they want to go.
This changes the questions we ask. What does this person want? What’s standing in their way? What can we offer that helps them take the next step?
If you haven’t caught on, I believe this holds true in most areas of our lives.
As a leader, that might mean walking someone through how to approach a problem and then giving them room to work on it. It takes time; sometimes it takes even more time than if I just did it myself. But when the next problem comes along, they’ll have some experience to draw from.
As a dad, it means remembering that my boys are learning. Taking over might get us out the door faster, but they still need opportunities to practice. Unfortunately for my patience, becoming capable at something usually involves being pretty bad at it first.
In friendship, it might mean asking a few more questions before offering my very obvious and clearly brilliant solution. Giving someone space to think can be more helpful than telling them exactly what I would do in their shoes.
There will always be moments when people need us to carry something for them. I hope I’m always ready and willing to do just that when the time comes. But, more than anything, I want the people I lead to grow. I want them to feel that they can trust their own judgment. I want them to discover that they can do things that used to feel beyond them.
And that means leaving them room to try.
As leaders, we don’t need to be the hero of everyone else’s story.
We need to give them the care and space they need to become one.