The Skeleton of a Leader
The three leadership traits all great leaders share
What makes a good leader? We all have our own thoughts and values about leadership. For me, leadership can be boiled down into three traits.
The Backbone
In a world of spineless leadership,
it’s so refreshing to be around people who give a damn.
We’re naturally drawn to people who stand for something,
because most only stand for themselves.
Your values are your backbone.
They’re not a stiff set of rules.
They give structure that lets you bend and flex
without losing what’s holding you up.
We’ve all had seasons of struggle,
those moments when we don’t stand quite as tall as we’d like.
Maybe our confidence has been shot,
or disappointment has gotten the best of us.
It’s often in these moments that I’m most tempted to shrink.
I’ve been inspired by leaders who stood their ground.
They didn't flinch, even when it cost them.
Watching them gives us permission to stand a little taller,
and hold true to what matters most.
If you want to be a great leader,
you have to have a backbone.
The Funny Bone
Sometimes I take things too seriously.
If you know me, you probably think that’s a joke,
because mostly I like to make jokes.
But I can fall into the trap of taking things too seriously at times…
and being a little too emotional.
Okay, so maybe that’s obvious.
But it takes a lot of trauma to be this funny, you know?
Funny thing about the funny bone:
Turns out it isn’t actually a bone.
It’s a nerve, sitting almost right under the skin, with nothing protecting it.
That’s why it stings so much when you hit it.
Levity works the same way.
It’s not avoiding the difficult things.
It’s staying close enough to feel all of it,
and still finding a way to make people laugh anyway.
We’ve all had the heavy moments in life,
whether sadness or stress, grief or busyness,
and probably times with all of the above.
It’s easy to be tempted to go quiet when life gets tough.
I’m grateful for the people who have made room for me to laugh,
especially in the moments when I didn’t even feel like smiling.
The ability to make things feel lighter when life gets heavy is a gift.
And it gives us permission to do the same for others.
If you want to be a great leader,
you have to have a funny bone.
The Wishbone
Finally, the wishbone.
Technically not a human bone,
but deal with it.
I looked it up once.
The wishbone is actually part of what helps birds fly.
It’s equal parts science and magic,
which is about the best metaphor for leadership I’ve come across.
Leadership has always felt to me like a strange mix of scientific skill and magical trickery.
At Thanksgiving dinner, the wishbone only does its job when two people pull.
When it’s stretched beyond what it’s supposed to handle.
It only fulfills its purpose when it breaks.
That’s leadership too.
People come together,
stretch toward a vision of the future,
and something usually breaks along the way.
Comfort zones. Bad habits. Your pride, if you’re doing it right.
But in that breaking, something new gets made.
In the world, and in you.
Especially in you.
Hope isn’t meant to be kept to yourself.
It’s meant to be shared and given away freely,
even when it stretches you.
Especially when it’s tough.
The right leadership will help you believe in a better tomorrow.
It’ll give you permission to believe in yourself again.
If you want to be a great leader,
you have to have a wishbone.
I once heard Marshall Women’s basketball coach, Juli Fulks, say:
“If you want to be a good leader, show up and ask, ‘How can I help?’”
That’s really the whole job, isn’t it?
Help others stand a little taller.
Bring some levity when it’s needed.
Share hope and stretch toward a better future, together.
That’s the bones of great leadership.