The Trouble with Being Nice

Why being good to someone isn't the same as being good for them

I was always nice.
A nice guy.
A nice kid.

Well, maybe not a nice baby.
I’ve heard horror stories.

“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Maxims like these have been drilled into me since before my memories took hold.
So nice I would be.

But here’s what I’ve learned about being nice.
What I’ve learned about myself.

Being nice can be performative, passive and people-pleasing.
I may have been good to someone,
But it was often more about what was good FOR ME
Rather than being good TO someone else.

My niceness was selfishness in disguise.
All wrapped up in entitlement.

Age has taught me the wisdom of being kind.
It doesn’t allow you to serve your selfishness.
You put yourself in service to someone else.

Sometimes being nice and being kind can look the same.
In fact, sometimes it’s perfectly fine to be nice.
But sometimes being kind means saying the hard thing.
And sometimes it means sacrificing yourself for someone else.

Niceness centers the world around me.
Kindness centers me around others.

I was always nice.
But now I try to be kind.